A Fondness for Auricles
by ThePairingQueen
Summary: Vaan falls in love with something, but what will be the reaction? VaanxEarlobes. Oneshot.


This is my first fanfiction ever. You can tell it's by a complete amateur. XD

Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy XII, but I wish I did.

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"_This feeling inside me…it's strange. A burning desire to be with my love. But is it normal?"_

A young man questions this inside himself as he travels down the beaten path. He shakes his blonde hair and looks up into the sky.

"_I never heard of anybody else feeling the same way about the same subject as myself. I want to know. I want to be with my love. But will he feel the same way about it? He might not like my suggestion."_

The young man, while daydreaming, ran into the back of his friend. His friend, a short, blonde girl turned around, her eyes meeting his. Her pigtails waved in the wind as she examined his face.

"Vaan! What was that all about? Were you spacing out again?"

The young man shakes his head. "I just don't know, Penelo. I've just been thinking about this thing lately…I want to get it off my chest, but I can't."

Balthier, a handsome man in his early twenties laid his hand on Vaan's shoulder. "Daydreaming about a woman, aren't you? Ah, I remember myself at your age…"

Vaan shook his head and stared at the ground. He was afraid to tell everybody his secret…it would freak them out too much.

Penelo, blushing over the comment Balthier made, asked Vaan "So, what was the thing that you wanted to talk about? You know….to get off your chest?"

"I don't know if you'd want me to tell you."

"Come on! It can't be that bad!" Penelo said.

A large shadow loomed over Penelo. She turns around to see Basch, a broken knight of his middle thirties. His gruff exterior matches the years of emotional trauma the war caused. But let's not talk about that now.

"What's going on here?" The gruff blonde said. "We have to keep going, or we'll never reach our destination in time."

Balthier looked up. "We're trying to coax something out of Vaan. He's caused enough injuries already from his daydreaming. The boy isn't exactly light when he runs over you."

An interested Basch asks Vaan, "Well, what is it?"

Vaan starts to get nervous. _"Should I tell him? This is the worst possible time…with everybody watching."_

Fran, who magically appeared behind Balthier, examined Vaan's face. The viera's rabbit-like ears twitched.

Penelo, worried about Vaan, went over to Fran. "What's wrong with him?"

Fran replied, "From the looks of it, he's worried to tell his secret. He's afraid that he will be put to shame for it."

"That's all? And I was worried!" Penelo exclaimed. She then turned over to Vaan. "You have nothing to worry about! We'll still like you no matter what it is."

"Not if this keeps up…" Basch mumbled.

Ashe runs up to Vaan. "What is going on here? Three kingdoms in peril, and here we are! Sitting here, wondering who Vaan likes!" Ashe pulls out her dagger and holds it up to his throat. "Sorry for the circumstances, but either you tell me what this is all about or I'll kill you. We don't have time for this. I'm sorry, but the whole kingdom of Dalmasca is more important than your life."

Vaan's fear of death overtook his fear of his friends. "I'minlovewithyourearlobesbasch!" is what he managed to blurt out.

Ashe lowered her dagger. "See, it wasn't so hard."

"But we couldn't make it out at all! It just sounded like a whole bunch of random sounds!" said a whiny Penelo.

"…I know what he said" Whispered Fran.

Everybody turned around to Fran. Balthier made a comment about another Viera trait – their good hearing. Nobody else seemed to pay attention to that though.

The rest of them stood, eyes fixated on the Viera woman." Well, what was it?" was the general question.

Fran, a bit uneasy replied, "It seems…the young Hume finds your earlobes alluring, Basch."

The entire crowd stood in dead silence. Basch shot Vaan weird looks, and Penelo wouldn't even look at Vaan altogether. Balthier burst out in laughter. Trying to keep it in, he said, "Oh my…Is that true, Vaan?"

Vaan started to get a bit angry. "I'm serious, guys! See, I knew I shouldn't have told you! Yes, I am attracted to earlobes! And Basch, yours happen to be the sexiest earlobes I have ever seen! I want to cut them off and elope with them!"

Basch started to freak out and take a few steps back. "Woah, woah. That won't be necessary. I like my earlobes where they are, thank you."

"Dare I may say, does that mean you're attracted to _Basch_?_"_ a confused Balthier asked.

Vaan turned around and gave Balthier a nasty look. "No! I don't like Basch! I don't even like him as a person! He still could've been responsible for killing Reks…and I could've been delusional when seeing that Gabranth guy. Basch just happens to have sexually appealing earlobes."

Vaan then jumped onto Basch, pulled out his sword and attempted to cut his earlobes off. _"I knew that he wouldn't like my suggestion, but this is the only way that I will be with my precious…" _Basch wouldn't let his earlobes go without a fight, though. He kicked Vaan off of him and tackled him. Everybody was too stunned to try to help, except Balthier. Loading his gun with sleep-inducing bullets, he thinks in his head:

"_Maybe if I can get the boy to sleep, we can take him to a clinic and get him some help from a psychiatrist…"_

Aiming for Vaan was a different story, however. Basch and Vaan wouldn't just stay in one spot! Vaan would parry Basch's blows with his shield, and Basch would reflect Vaan's magic. Both of them were running around the area, trying to catch the other off guard, and it's not easy to aim for a moving target. Finally, Balthier shoots and accidentally hits Basch. Vaan aims his sword for his left earlobe and managed to cut a piece off before Penelo whacked him over the head with her staff, rendering him unconscious.

Ashe turns around and starts to leave. Fran begins to follow, shaking off what just happened.

Penelo turns to Balthier, who's trying to help an injured Basch. He put a wet cloth on Basch's left ear, which made Basch wince.

"Is he going to be alright?" Penelo asked.

"Quite a few people survive, even after getting their arms blown off. This shouldn't kill him. Maybe he'll get gangrene, though." Balthier explained. He turns around, and sees Fran and Ashe leaving the area. "Where are you guys going?" he shouted.

"We're leaving this place. There are too many things to do." Ashe said coolly.

"What about Vaan?" Penelo whined.

At the sound of that name, Basch shuddered. He got up, turned around, and walked towards Ashe and Fran. He said, irritably, "Leave him. The fiends can swallow him up for all I care."

"Sounds like a good idea to me." Balthier said. Dragging a stubborn Penelo by the arm, the five of them leave the area and head for the next town.

Vaan wakes up a few hours later. "_They…they just left me here? I knew that might've happened. I let my emotions get the better of me…wait, what's that?_"

He saw something nearby, somewhat hidden in the grass. He crawled over there, and realized it was the missing piece to Basch's earlobe. Picking it up, Vaan held it close to him and cradled it like a baby.

"My precious…there's nothing that can keep you and me apart…"

Vaan then left and eloped with the piece of ear by a qualified moogle. Riding a chocobo in the sunset, the happily married couple started a new life together in paradise.


End file.
